It can buy a house, but not a home. 
It can buy a bed, but not sleep.
It can buy a clock, but not time.
It can buy you a book, but not knowledge.
It can buy you a position, but not respect.
It can buy you medicine, but not health.
It can buy you blood, but not life.
It can buy you sex, but not love.

So you see, money isn't everything and it often causes pain and suffering.  I tell you this because I am your friend and as your friend I want to take away all of your pains.

So, please send me all your money and I will suffer for you!

Cash only.

Small bills, please!